Undying Determination and Hardcore Hoop Dreams

Tomorrow marks the start of 2014.  A lot has happened in my life this last year.  I packed up everything I owned and took a huge chance by moving halfway across the country to a place where I knew very few people…all with the hopes of not just bettering myself, but really discovering who I am as a person.  I’ve been through a lot in my 29 years.  From watching alcoholism tear my family apart to a car accident in high school that could have taken my life to losing my dad and hero at a young age to watching my mom slowly deteriorate and nearly die.  But throughout it all, I have survived and thrived.  Looking back now, I really can’t tell you what I was looking for by moving out here, but I can tell you what I’ve learned.

 

I didn’t get a chance to ride my horse yesterday until late in the afternoon.  The sun was starting to go down over the horizon and it was beginning to feel pretty chilly.  But writing this blog is not something I’m doing because I think I’m a big deal…I’m doing it because it inspires me (and hopefully others) to get off my ass and do what I love because I love it!  I know just as well as anyone how hard it is when you get home from working all day to go saddle your horse and ride.  And I’m damn sure not trying to encourage everyone to run out and quit their jobs like I did!  But I feel like if I actually set a goal and achieve it, perhaps others will realize that they can do it too!  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not doing this for anyone but myself!  But I AM documenting it so that maybe, just maybe, someone may read it and realize that their dreams can be reality too.

 

So there I was, trying to get my time in on my horse before the sun went down, and I noticed my thoughts drifting towards everything I have accomplished and learned in 2013.  I don’t know about you, but when I am horseback, my mind is clear.  Annie Oakley said it best, “Any woman who does not enjoy tramping across the country on a clear, frosty morning with a good gun and a pair of dogs does not know how to enjoy life.”  While I wasn’t actually packing heat, it was late afternoon, and I wouldn’t necessarily consider my mutts “good dogs”, I get where she was going with that statement!  The first thing that came to my mind is, I did it!  I woke up one morning with a dream of leaving home and finding myself, away from everything that was comfortable to me, and that is exactly what I did.  I took a dream and I made it reality.  Was it everything I hoped for…well, no.  Not really.  In my dream, I would come out here and things would be really easy.  I hoped for an amazing job that I loved, maybe find me a man that could tolerate me, and I would rope ALL THE TIME!  That is not even close to what really transpired.  I came out here broke to death.  I spent all my money moving and had to borrow my first month’s rent money from my best friend.  That great job I wanted ended up being a waitressing job that I HATED where I was making $2.15 an hour and living off of tips that barely got me by.  Things really didn’t start out so slick.  But I stuck with it.  My “cowgirl determination” kept me hanging on.  Eventually a little better job came around, I got a couple of roommates that helped cover expenses, and I began to get back on my feet. 

 

But my dreams still haven’t come true out here in Texas.  My new job really kept me busy.  Anyone who has ever worked for a performance horse trainer knows exactly what I’m talking about.  After riding ten to fifteen horses a day, the last thing I wanted to do was come home and ride my own.  A year flew by and I realized I had been on my horse only a handful of times.  I was being a selfish horse owner by even keeping him!

 

 So what have I learned?  I have learned that the only one who can change your situation is you!  If you aren’t happy, then you have to do something about it.  I was working my life away for someone else and I wasn’t even enjoying life.  I was unable to even try to accomplish any of the goals that I had set for myself before moving out here (no matter how unrealistic they were) because I was overworked and underappreciated.  I can’t tell you how many times I prayed for guidance on what to do.  Perhaps God was giving me sign after sign and I just wasn’t seeing it.  But after a disagreement about something totally dismal with my boss, I took it as the sign I had been asking for and decided it was time to take my chances and move on. 

 

I have learned that you have to put your trust in God.  He will never steer you wrong.  Sometimes one door cannot open until another door is closed.  The day I quit my job, I went home, made a phone call, and got a job offer.  It’s not only a job that I am highly qualified for, but it is a job that will offer me all the things that I am looking for such as limited time restrains, opportunity to travel, and I’ll be doing something that I love and am familiar with.  Winning!

 

Another thing that I’ve learned since being out here is that no matter how hard you try, you can’t make people like you and the cold, hard truth is that if they don’t like you, it’s THEIR loss! I had one person repeatedly tell me that I care too much about what other people think about me.  I need to just be myself.  It donned on me finally…the fact that I care too much IS me being myself!  I am a people pleaser and that will never change.  And what is so wrong with that anyway?  Yes, I am putting myself at risk to get my feelings hurt.  But that is why God gave me such a huge a heart!  He makes you in His image and you are PERFECT just the way you are.  It’s not that I care so much what people think about me, I’ve never tried to be something that I’m not.  But I do care about making others happy and bringing joy into their lives.  Nothing wrong with that! 

 

I’m not exactly where I want to be in life right now, but I am exactly where I need to be.  I am on the right path to success and I am so excited for what is to come in 2014.  Last year I set some goals for myself and although things didn’t go exactly as planned, I survived.  I am now living 2500 miles away from home.  Home: a place where everyone knows me and loves me. Home:  a place where I am 100% comfortable and nothing is a surprise.  I wanted to discover who I was and better myself outside of my element and that is exactly what I did!  And since I accomplished my goals in 2013, I know I can do it again in 2014.  I WILL focus on the things that make me happy and I WILL, once again, have success.  It won’t be easy, but the best things never are.  The greatest challenges reap the greatest rewards. 

 

I end today with another quote I love from a famous cowgirl.  “There’s something about ranch life that you don’t give up.  Everything I ever did was for a ranch…I’ve been so hot I could have died.  I’ve been so cold I thought I’d freeze.  I’ve been so tired I thought I’d drop.  But you just go on…I don’t know that I have accomplished great things, but I haven’t been a failure.”  --Hallie Crawford Stillwell, Texas Rancher