Thursday, January 23, 2014

Seeking Perfection, Finding Disappointment


I was supposed to go rope the sled yesterday, but I guess the last couple of weeks had finally got to me.  I wasn’t feeling so hot.  I just felt weak and tired…very unlike me.  So, I decided to take a few days off and give my horse a few days off.  There is a cold front blowing in and he could probably use the rest just as much as I could!  Besides, I have a lot of office stuff and housework that needs catching up on. 

 

 The other day when I when I was roping, one of the guys that I was roping with invited me to go jackpotting.  I told him I wasn’t sure if my horse was ready for that yet.  He looked at me and smiled, probably thinking I was crazy for thinking he’s not ready.  But the truth is, I have been through this very same thing before.  I feel like you have to have a perfect horse before you can go out and compete.  That really isn’t the case.  You have to start seasoning and hauling one at some point.

 

In 2011 I had some money saved and made my annual trip up to the Red Bluff Bull and Gelding Sale.  I’m not going to say my purchase of Sonny Rickashay was not somewhat alcohol induced, but I wasn’t sorry that I bought him.  He was five years old when I bought him.  I’ll never forget the first time I saw him.  A lady was riding him into the warm up pen next to the sale ring.  He was a huge, pretty, dark bay horse with a skinny blaze on his face and four short white socks. He was built like a brick shit house and had a super long, thick mane and tail.  She was riding him straight up in a bridle and he packed it like a pro.  I quickly looked through my sale book and found him. He was from a ranch out in Idaho.  He had done all aspects of ranch work and was started on the heel-o-matic for both heading and heeling.

 

I was standing by the sale ring with my number in one hand, drink in the other talking to a guy that I knew.  As the horse entered the ring, I started in on a bidding war with several other people.  By the time we got up to $8500, it was just me and one other woman bidding.  We went back and forth, but in the end, I won with a final bid of $10,000.  I had never in my lifetime dreamed of spending that much on a horse, especially one that wasn’t finished in my discipline.  But there was something about him that told me I had to buy him.  After it was announced that I bought him, my friends who were standing nearby came running up to me shocked that I had bought a horse and spent that kind of money. I was pretty tuned up, and everyone was concerned that I didn’t know what I had done.

 

My friend, Alex, and I decided to go out to stall and take a look at him. When we got there he was unsaddled, standing in his stall eating.  We went in and were pleased to see that he was just as gorgeous as I thought he was in the ring when I bought him.  “Throw me up on him, Alex,” I said.

 

“Are you sure you want to do that?” she asked. 

 

“If I’m gonna spend $10,000 on one, you better be able to do anything on him!”

 

I have to say, he really wasn’t a huge fan of being ridden bareback at first.  Coming off a ranch in Idaho, I am assuming no one had ever really ridden him bareback before.  But he took to it fine and I drunk rode him all over the fairgrounds that night.  If one is going to be in my string, he better be bar broke!

 

The next day, we loaded him up and took him roping.  He worked outstanding and I couldn’t be happier with my purchase.  Shortly after I got him home, the weather turned bad.  It rained and rained and rained.  I didn’t ride him for several months.  The day I finally got back on him, he acted like he had never been laid off. But, despite the fact that he was a nice horse, he was not a finished head horse.  I still had quite a bit of work to do before I could consider him finished.

 

That summer, I met Jordan.  Within a few months he was living with me and we were running a horse training business from home.  I was roping at least 30 head a day on Ricky.  He worked so awesome all the time.  He always put me in a good spot, he could pull like a freight train, he stood in the box like a wooden indian…there was absolutely nothing wrong with him.  I knew that it was only a matter of time before I started hauling him and winning big. 

 

One rainy spring morning in 2012, less than a year and half after I bought him, I got a call from my neighbor.  It was only about 630 in the morning and I hadn’t yet been out to feed.  He immediately told me that he had been out with his sheep and he saw that I had a horse down in the mud.  He thought that he might be dead.  My heart sank.  I knew it was Ricky.  Why would it be any of the other horses?  He was the only that mattered!  Of course, he would be the one to be sick or dead.  When I went out to his pen, he was standing.  He was covered in mud from head to toe and shaking.  His eyes were dull and I could see that he was in excruciating pain.  The big, beautiful horse that I had roped on, that I had groomed on, that I had fed the night before stood in front of me unrecognizable. 

 

Quickly, I ran into the house to wake up Jordan.  “Ricky is sick,” I told him.  “Please get up and call the vet.  He is colicing and I’m pretty sure he’s not going to make it.  He can’t even stand up.” I was borderline hysterical.  Here was this horse that I had spent a small fortune on because I just knew that we had a long future together.  I spent countless hours working on him, grooming him, keeping him looking gorgeous.  And now, I was going to lose him.  I went back outside.  I was wearing only mud boots, shorts that I had slept in, and a sweatshirt.  When I got back out to his pen, he was laying down in the mud. I haltered him and tried to pull him up.  After pulling and pulling, I finally got him to stand up and walk.  Every step was torture for him.  He would start to shake and his legs would buckle.  Every time he would fall down, I would scream and cry.  I was horrified that this was happening and there was nothing that I could do to make it better. 

 

By the time the vet came, things were looking bad.  I was soaked from head to toe, shaking and cold.  Ricky wouldn’t walk more than a few steps without trying to lie back down.  After palpating him, the vet asked me if he was a candidate for surgery.  Without thinking twice, I said, yes…he absolutely was.  He told me I needed to hook up my truck and trailer immediately and get him down to UC Davis.  It was about a 2 hour drive and we needed to get there ASAP.  We hooked up and the vet gave him some drugs to try to take away some of his pain. And we were on our way.  We didn’t even make it fifteen minutes before he started lying down and thrashing in the trailer.  It was a hard trip.  I cried the entire time. 

 

When we got to the university, they unloaded him and it was only minutes before they decided that he would need surgery immediately to see what the problem was.  They opened him up and inside they had found a large mass on his small intestine.  I was told that the surgery to remove it plus the recuperation process would cost me about $17,000.  I considered taking out a mortgage on my house to save him, but after talking with one of the vets, I was told that he would most likely never be anything more than a pasture maggot.  There was a good chance the mass would return.  He most likely would never be a head horse.  I couldn’t take the chance of losing my home to try to save his life.  I was devastated.  I had spent all this money on a horse that was supposed to be my next good one.  He was the one that was going to take me to the pay window time and time again.  I had spent countless hours doing drills on him, exercising him, grooming him, practicing on him and had never even gotten to haul him to a jackpot.  I never got him insured because I thought he was a tough horse off of a ranch in Idaho…what could possibly happen to him? 

 

I wanted to quit.  I really didn’t want to rope anymore.  I had lost my best good buddy in one of the most traumatizing ways imaginable.  For as long as I live, I will never forget that horse or that day.  I never imagined a horse as big and strong as him could wither away in a matter of hours like he did. 

 

I’ve dealt with a lot of loss in life.  There is no doubt that it really makes you want to give up.  First losing my dad and then losing my good horse…it really took a toll on me.  My boyfriend and I really started having problems.  One of the biggest things we had in common was that we both loved to rope.  We no longer had that and no matter how hard he tried to find me another horse, none were ever good enough.  None were my Ricky.  To this day, I know that I will never have another “Ricky”.  He was truly one of a kind.  But God brings both people and animals into our lives for a reason.  Because of that horse, I learned that I am very skilled at finishing one out.  I can take a horse that is broke to ride, but hasn’t been roped on and turn him into a finished head horse.  I learned that sometimes all the money in the world can’t save one and that you have to do the right thing and say goodbye.    I wanted to die that day right along with him.  Watching him take his last breath was devastating.  Someone once told me I was lucky…there are millions of people out there who have no idea what it’s like to ride a good one.  I have had several good ones and for that I am thankful.

 

After reflecting on Ricky, and now being aboard Solo, I know I have another good one.  He may not be big and gorgeous like Ricky was, but he has more heart and soul than any little horse I’ve ever been on.  Part of me feels like whenever I ride him, I experience a closeness to my dad who is no longer with me.  He has been a blessing in disguise and despite my many attempts to sell him, I am so glad that I never did. 

 

When you get knocked down in life, you have to get up.  You can’t give up.  You also have to learn from your mistakes!  I owned Ricky for a year and a half.  He was one of the nicest head horses that I have ever ridden.  Yet, I never hauled him.  I never entered one single jackpot on him.  I kept thinking, “We need to work on this…or we need to work on that before we are perfect!”  Perfection DOES NOT EXIST!  If you are waiting for perfection, you are setting yourself up to fail!  Give your horse and yourself the benefit of the doubt.  Solo isn’t perfect, but he can start going to jackpots.  He is never going to get better if I just keep taking him to the same practices and never put any pressure on him or myself!  I talk about this just like it’s just for horse training purposes, but you can apply this to all aspects of your life!  Stop waiting for things to be perfect…they never will be!  By constantly seeking perfection, you are only hurting yourself.  Enjoy the flaws, as they are the true definition of perfection.

Note: I apologize for no pictures on this blog.  I intended on including several but for some reason my computer would not upload them.  I decided to let it sit for a day and come back to it, but still no luck.  Hopefully my next post will be slightly more colorful!!


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