Old Friends, New Goals

I had an incredible weekend.  It started with a nice evening roping the sled with my roommate.  I finally got my 4-wheeler home and it is running like a top.  Roping the sled was exactly the kind of practice that Solo and I needed!  I got him rating off and really setting up before cranking off to the left.  I think a few days of sled work a week will be great for him and for me as well.  I got a call on Friday night from my friend, Jay.  Jay and I have known each other for probably 12 years or so.  I met him when I first started roping.  He was friends with my dad.  I’ll never forget meeting him.  He was this weird, wild guy with a thick Texas accent and he always wore a visor instead of a ball cap or a cowboy hat, shorts, and flip flops.  I was about 14 years old, I guess, when he first asked me to rope in Taylorsville on the 4^th of July.  I asked my dad if it was ok and he told me the guy was a stick and I should definitely rope with him.  I went out and stuck 3 good ones for him and he was the first guy I ever won a check with.  Thanks to him, I cleared my fees and brought home some money for the first time in my life. 

Me and Jay....doing what we do!

From then on out, he and I roped at every jackpot.  We also grew fairly close as friends.  Although he is 24 years older than I am, I was always a wild child and he was part of the wild crew that I ran with.  I’ll never forget one year there in Taylorsville.  I was a sophomore in college and my wild streak was a mile long.  We had finished up roping and all decided to go to the bar up at Lake Almanor.  The majority of the people going up there were much older than me, but I never had any problems getting snuck into the bar.  Once we got inside, we had ourselves one hell of a time.  We danced and drank and I was the best wing-woman a guy could ask for!  At one point I had gone into the bathroom and there was a girl in there trying to cause some trouble with me.  Keep in mind that back when I was younger, I was feisty as hell.  I had a hard time backing down from a fight.  As we were leaving the bar, that same girl followed me out, still trying to cause trouble.  I suppose she was just jealous because I was cute and young and running around with a huge group of cowboys.  Girls tend to see girls like me and automatically assume that I am promiscuous because I am the only girl with a big group of guys, but the fact of the matter was, I was just the little sister.  I was that cool, fun girl that they liked having around because I was never chasing them.  I was there only for their friendship.  Well, as we were getting into the truck, I had just about enough of that girl’s mouth.  I hollered at her that if she was looking for a fight, to come on with it.  I was already in the pickup with the window down by the time she got to me.  My friend, Cody was driving and my dad’s old buddy Ty was in the back seat with me.  Jay was in the front seat and our friend John was trying to drag our other buddy Larry out of the bar.  The girl started running towards the pickup, bound and determined to pull me out and whoop me.  I reached down to the floorboard of the pickup and grabbed a loose spur that was sitting there.  I had every intention of hitting her with it as soon as she got within my reach.  Ty saw what was happening and grabbed my arms.  He was pretty drunk and he kept saying, “Lacey, no fighting.  Your dad is going to be so mad at me if you go to jail!”  I’m sure he thought he was doing me a favor by keeping me from hitting her, however, by holding my arms behind my back he pretty much turned me into a human punching bag.  As she reached into the pickup to swing at me, I heard Jay yell, “Sick that bitch, Lace!”  I did the only thing I could…I reared back and booted her one in the face.  And that was the end of that.  We all piled in the truck and squealed out of the parking lot and back to the campgrounds. 

Jay and I have had a lot of moments like that, but that is probably one of his favorite “Lacey” stories and he proceeds to tell it to every new person he introduces me to.  We’ve known each other so long that I even lived with him and one of his girlfriends for a little while.  When my dad passed away, he was there for me.  When I had boyfriend troubles, he was there for me.  When I moved out here and didn’t know a soul, although we have only seen each other twice since I’ve lived here, emotionally, he was there for me.  So when he called and said he was going to be roping the World Series only 45 minutes from my house, I knew where I was going to be spending my weekend.  I packed up the puppies that I had left to sell and headed for Hamilton.  It was so good just to see him!  I felt like I was at home and I haven’t felt that way since the last time I saw him which was clear back in April.  He asked me to go to a friend’s wedding with him.  I was supposed to help him woo the ladies and he was supposed to be my wing-man.  Well, it didn’t quite work out as planned because everyone thought I was a gold-digger and that he was a dirty old man.  Lesson learned! 

"Bam I'm White"

It never fails that when we hang out, people automatically think that there is something going on with us.  It’s truly sad that in this day and age, people can’t understand that there can be simply friendship between a man and a woman.  After hanging out with him a while, we talked about me riding his head horse and roping for him in the #9 roping.  The World Series team ropings are outstanding.  They pay like a slot machine.  It’ll cost you $300 a team, but the payout on a roping with 400 teams is over $10,000 a man.  To climb on a horse I had never roped on and rope in that roping was a huge gamble, but I knew that I had just as much ability to win as anyone there.  I showed up the next day with my game face on.  I haven’t competed in a jackpot in almost two years now.  Life’s little circumstances and my own negative attitude kept me locked down in the practice pen.  I’m not going to sit here and tell you I wasn’t nervous as hell.  I was team number 77 and when they announced the #9 roping was starting, I felt my adrenaline starting to spike.  By the time they got to team 50, I started feeling like my heart was going to beat out of my chest.  I can’t tell you why I was so nervous.  I’ve been to huge ropings, made it to the high teams, and still didn’t get nervous.  I guess it was just the fact that I’ve been out of it for so long. 

Jay had me all fired up.  He had blown my mind with all this information on how his horse would break, how he stood in the box, how hard he could run to cattle, how he handled cattle, how he faced…it was a lot to take in.  They called our number and I rode into the box.  I heard Jay tell me to back him all the way into the corner and I did as he said.  Not knowing how hard the horse would break and not wanting to be thrown out of position, I did something that I never do…I tucked my rope up under my arm and grabbed to horn for stability.  I called for my steer and held my horse in the box so that I wouldn’t break the barrier.  I got out perfect and was surprised at how smooth the horse broke.  My arm went up and I started to swing.  As we took off down the arena, I realized that there was one thing I overlooked about this horse.  Jay rodeos on him.  That means that he is going to run a little wider than what I’m used to.  I reached out and roped my steer, but I was roping with a brand new rope from a little different position than I’m used to.  When I dallied and went left, I still had a lot of action in my slack and I ended up waving it off.  It was a bummer.  I wanted to turn a few good ones for Jay and take home that big paycheck , but it just wasn’t in the cards. 

Although the fees were pricey, I wasn’t sorry that I spent the money.  It has been two years since I have roped in a jackpot.  That was exactly the fire that I needed under my ass to get out there and start competing again. It was exactly what I needed to rid myself of that negativity that I wasn’t ready. We tend to hold ourselves back because we are afraid of looking foolish.  It’s a ridiculous feeling really.  I have been holding back because I am afraid that I haven’t practiced enough.  I might go out and throw a stupid loop and look like a total amateur.  But the harsh realization is that EVERYONE misses from time to time.  Watch the NRF sometime and you’ll see that even the best in the business miss!  You never know how successful you’ll be until you get out there and give it your all.  Just entering that roping and backing in the box gave me the confidence I needed to go out and start actually competing again.  I have slowly but surely gained confidence to pick up a rope and start training my horse.  I now have that confidence to actually go and enter so that I can start competing and winning.  The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.  I haven’t felt this much like myself in such a long time and that confidence is spilling out into all aspects of my life. My self-confidence has gone up significantly.  When I first moved out here, I was one old lady amongst a bunch of college kids.  But the harsh realization is that maybe I have a lot more in common with them than I thought.  The majority of the people here in Texas who are my age are married and settled down with children.  I think that is great that these people are able to settle down and make a life with someone else.  However, it’s not for everyone!

I’m not going to sit here and say that I don’t want to meet that on person that I can spend a lifetime of happiness with, because I do!  But it is more apparent to me now more than ever that I am not satisfied with settling down right now.  So, if that means that the majority of my friends are college kids, then so be it.  I used to think maybe that made me seem immature.  But now that I look at it from a new perspective, I’m not immature.  I have a lot going for me.  I just don’t believe in settling for the sake of not being lonely.  Someday, I’ll meet someone who is going to look at me and say, “That’s my girl.  She may be a little wild and crazy, but I love her for it.  She is hard-working and honest…she doesn’t need a man to take care of her!  She may not NEED me but she WANTS me and that is what makes us special.”  Maybe that is a lot to ask for…I don’t know.  But just to have someone by my side who is proud of me, supportive, and has no intention of changing me is my ultimate goal. 

This blog post today has been a series of scattered thoughts, so I apologize for that.  I have written it over the course of 3 days as I have been super busy with several different projects.  I would like to confirm that I did get an offer for the job that I was wanting.  I will have to take a minor hiatus from training on my horse for a couple weeks as I will be traveling for my new job training.  But rest assured, I believe that this new career is going to open up many possibilities for my future.  I see myself roping a lot more and for the first time in a long time, I see some stability in my future.  Maybe my nomad spirit will be quieted…at least for a while!  Thank you all, as always, for your constant love and support!  I have received many emails and messages from folks saying that I am motivating them to get back in that saddle and ride and that you are all enjoying reading about my life and experiences.  I guess I’m not as boring as I thought!  Much love and blessings to all of my readers!  I’d like to end today with something that I read recently that has been driving me every single day.  Since I found it, I read it daily and it brings me so much comfort.  “I DECLARE that God has a great plan for my life.  He is directing my steps.  And even though I may not always understand how, I know my situation is not a surprise to God.  He will work out every detail to my advantage.  In His perfect timing, everything will turn out right.  This is my declaration!” 

Getting What You Deserve!

Something strange happened to me the last couple of days.  I felt like I was losing my positivity.  I prayed and prayed and prayed for God to bring back that positive light that I had in my life.  I went from feeling like nothing could go wrong because I always have the Lord on my side to feeling this really heavy sense of doubt weighing on my soul.  And why?  I have no idea!  Things could not be going better for me.  For the first time in a long time I have the opportunity to have a job that actually will pay me for all of my hard work.  For the first time in a long time I am surrounded by people who think like I do and enjoy the same things that I do.  For the first time in a long time I have been able to rope and improve both my horse and myself.  For the first time in a long time I feel like I have no worries.  So why the heck am I so worried? 

I spent the day yesterday doing a ride along with a guy who has been with the company that I intend on working with for the last ten years.  It couldn’t have gone better.  I enjoyed my day and I think that I will not only be a great addition to the team, but also will truly enjoy my work.  I expected to come home feeling elated with the possibilities of what my future could bring.  But I really didn’t feel that way.  As a matter of fact, I didn’t feel anything at all!  It took a lot of thought and prayer before I realized that I think I am a little overwhelmed.  I have spent my entire life struggling with things.  I was brought up in a way where I never asked for anything, and everything I had was something that I earned and worked extremely hard for.  I was the kind of girl who wouldn’t eat anything but top ramen because I was saving for something such as rodeo fees.  Now there is a possibility that I will never have to worry about that again. 

It’s really hard not to sit around and think about all the things you could be doing if you were making the money that you want to be making.  I couldn’t help but think that with this job (if I get it), I will be able to afford another rope horse.  I can actually afford to buy one that I DON’T have to train.  I will be able to use my perfect, wonderful, little Solo as a practice and backup horse so that I don’t destroy him!  For those of you that are unaware, Solo is only about 14.1 hands and maybe weighs 1100 pounds on a FAT day.  He is smaller than the majority of the heel horses that my heelers are riding.  But, he has more heart and soul than any big horse in the arena.  It warms heart to go places and have people tell me, “man, I really like that little horse.  He is so cool!” 

I had another horse like him once.  It was a mare that I had purchased not too long after my dad had passed away.  She was an excellent little mare.  When I first bought her she was 9 years old.  She ran hard to cattle, was great in the box,  and gave me the same shot every time.  She was one of the only finished head horses that I ever bought.  But she, like Solo, was very small framed.  She was slightly taller at 15 hands but only weighed a little over 1000 pounds.  I typically like my head horses larger.  I like a long strided, big horse…something maybe 15.2-16 hands and 1250 pounds or more.  I like a horse that feels strong and is heavy boned.  This mare was far from that.  At the time that I bought her, she was my only head horse.  I was roping really well and it wasn’t uncommon for me to enter up in every single roping that I went to.  Riding her was a guaranteed trip to the pay window every time.  Since I was entered up at every roping, if I caught every steer and if my heelers did their part, I could be turning up to 80 head on her in one day.  Her poor little body just couldn’t take it.  After 4 years of riding her hard, she started to get arthritis.  It wasn’t long before she couldn’t catch up to faster cattle and I had to start looking for something else.

"Lucky Peaches"...little horse, big heart!

We live and learn in life.  If you are going to really rope a lot and be competitive, it’s probably smart to have a back-up horse.  Otherwise, your good one ends up hurt or crippled and you feel like a complete jerk for it.  I absolutely cannot do this to my little Solo.  I have been wracking my brain about how I can keep him sound and still use him as a head horse.  To get ready for this roping, I need to not only turn a lot of steers on him to get him ready, but I need to turn a lot of steers for myself to get me ready.  After roping on him for just three days in a row, I could feel him getting tired.  I decided that it was probably a good idea to give him a few days off.  Lucky for me, the weather is cold, so I don’t feel bad giving him some time to recuperate. 

I owe a lot to Solo.  If it weren’t for my faith in him and my faith in us as a team, I wouldn’t have quit my ob.  If I wouldn’t have quit my job, I wouldn’t have been introduced to this new, great opportunity.  I owe it to him to be easy on him.  He needs to be ridden and used in a way that benefits him and showcases his talents.  However, I don’t need to ride him into the ground when it’s unnecessary.  But saving my horse is not what this blog is about today.  It’s about actually being able to do things for myself that I’ve wanted and needed for so long now.  I spent the morning talking with my cousin.  She has seen me go through struggle after struggle.  I have sold everything I own multiple times to survive and come back time and time again. I have pinched pennies and lived within my means for so long that I often feel guilty for spending money even when I do have it!  I told her this morning, it actually stresses me out to think that I will be able to buy things for myself and not feel bad about it because they are things that I maybe don’t need, but things that I really want!  I would really love to trade in my horse trailer for one that maybe has some sort of living quarters for when I am on the road so that I don’t have to sleep in my pickup.  And I could really use a new pickup at some point.  But letting those things even cross my mind makes me feel guilty.  I often think, “My trailer is nice enough…I don’t need a new one.”  But do I want one?  Yep!  “My truck still runs good.  Do I need a new one?  Probably not.”  But do I want one?  You bet.  I am told that I really need to let go of that mentality a little.  I have always been responsible.  It is time for me to enjoy the benefits that have become of all my hard work.   

I see a lot of people from my generation and younger running around in brand new pickups with huge trailers and expensive horses that their parents bought for them.  They really truly have no idea what it feels like to want for anything.  A lot of people walk around with a “wouldn’t it be nice” mentality about these kids.  I feel completely the opposite.  I actually feel sorry for these kids.  I know first-hand that sometimes parents die.  A lot of times, these kids who have been given everything their whole lives have no idea that money, no matter how much you have, isn’t disposable. If you are not willing to work, eventually that money is going to run out and these poor kids have no idea how to survive on very little.  I feel pretty dang blessed that I have worked for everything I have ever had.  I don’t know if I’ll ever settle down and have kids, but if I do, I will be able to leave them with something someday.  And I will bring them up the exact same way that I was brought up…knowing that to get what you want in life you have to make lemonade out of lemons.  If you want butter, get to churning!  You can’t walk around with a sense of entitlement thinking that everyone owes you something.  No one owes you a darn thing!  If you want something, you earn it.  I shouldn’t feel bad about the things that may come to me I my future.  I’ve been churning that butter for a long time and I deserve to have the things that I desire.  Whether I can convince myself that I deserve them is an entirely different story.   

I started writing this blog yesterday, and decided to finish it up this morning.  Something happened to me overnight.  I woke up this morning and that positive attitude has returned.  It’s so strange to me that I can be so happy and pleased with my life that it nearly moves me to tears.  I came across something this morning that touched me in a way that after reading it, I felt incredibly strong again.  Like no matter what this world throws at me, I can handle it.  It said, “I DECLARE that God has a great plan for my life.  He is directing my steps.  And even though I may not always understand how, I know my situation is not a surprise to God.  He will work out every detail to my advantage.  In His perfect timing, everything will turn out right.  This is my declaration.”  They are beautiful words and they are so incredibly inspiring and soothing to me.  I have worked hard and struggled for a long time.  When an opportunity is presented to me that assures me that I won’t have to struggle anymore, it’s really hard for me to accept.  I am the kind of person who spends $30 on getting my nails done and then feels guilty afterwards because I think, “Did I really need to spend $30 on that?”  I am thankful that my parents raised me the way that they did because I understand the value of a dollar, but at the same time, I really wish I could enjoy the fact that my hard work has finally paid off without feeling guilty.  I know that I will get there eventually. 

Sometimes it is so hard for us to realize that we deserve to be happy because we have been beat down for so long.  Accept the gifts that God has given you.  You do deserve them!  I am excited that I will be able to possibly make an even better life for myself than I already have.  I am so thankful for everything that I have been given and I am really looking forward to my future.  It is onward and upward from here on out!  It’s time to stop standing on the mountain top and dreading the valley below!  I need to enjoy the air up here and realize that the valley may not be as bad as it seems!     

As always, I want to thank all my amazing readers.  You inspire me to keep writing and that means more to me than I can put into words.  I want everyone to know that your emails, comments, and support drive me to get up in the morning and slay those giants!  I keep being told that I am inspiring, but the truth is that is your stories that inspire me!  Please keep reading and continuing to share with your friends and loved ones!  I also want to take a quick second to thank a very special person in this journey…Michael T.  Thank you so much for driving 2 hours to come pick up my broke-down 4 wheeler, spending time and money to fix it, bringing it back to me, and then not accepting any form of payment from me.  Your kindness has touched me in a way that I can’t even conceive.  I truly hope that I can someday pay back the kindness that you have bestowed upon me.  When I get to Reno and do a great job, it will be partly because of the support and friendship that you have offered me!  You are a blessing!  I also want to thank my very close friends and family who have been pushing me every day to keep going.  It’s not always easy to commit to something that you aren’t getting paid for.  This isn’t my job, it is simply my hobby.  Love you all!   

Seeking Perfection, Finding Disappointment

I was supposed to go rope the sled yesterday, but I guess the last couple of weeks had finally got to me.  I wasn’t feeling so hot.  I just felt weak and tired…very unlike me.  So, I decided to take a few days off and give my horse a few days off.  There is a cold front blowing in and he could probably use the rest just as much as I could!  Besides, I have a lot of office stuff and housework that needs catching up on. 

 

 The other day when I when I was roping, one of the guys that I was roping with invited me to go jackpotting.  I told him I wasn’t sure if my horse was ready for that yet.  He looked at me and smiled, probably thinking I was crazy for thinking he’s not ready.  But the truth is, I have been through this very same thing before.  I feel like you have to have a perfect horse before you can go out and compete.  That really isn’t the case.  You have to start seasoning and hauling one at some point.

 

In 2011 I had some money saved and made my annual trip up to the Red Bluff Bull and Gelding Sale.  I’m not going to say my purchase of Sonny Rickashay was not somewhat alcohol induced, but I wasn’t sorry that I bought him.  He was five years old when I bought him.  I’ll never forget the first time I saw him.  A lady was riding him into the warm up pen next to the sale ring.  He was a huge, pretty, dark bay horse with a skinny blaze on his face and four short white socks. He was built like a brick shit house and had a super long, thick mane and tail.  She was riding him straight up in a bridle and he packed it like a pro.  I quickly looked through my sale book and found him. He was from a ranch out in Idaho.  He had done all aspects of ranch work and was started on the heel-o-matic for both heading and heeling.

 

I was standing by the sale ring with my number in one hand, drink in the other talking to a guy that I knew.  As the horse entered the ring, I started in on a bidding war with several other people.  By the time we got up to $8500, it was just me and one other woman bidding.  We went back and forth, but in the end, I won with a final bid of $10,000.  I had never in my lifetime dreamed of spending that much on a horse, especially one that wasn’t finished in my discipline.  But there was something about him that told me I had to buy him.  After it was announced that I bought him, my friends who were standing nearby came running up to me shocked that I had bought a horse and spent that kind of money. I was pretty tuned up, and everyone was concerned that I didn’t know what I had done.

 

My friend, Alex, and I decided to go out to stall and take a look at him. When we got there he was unsaddled, standing in his stall eating.  We went in and were pleased to see that he was just as gorgeous as I thought he was in the ring when I bought him.  “Throw me up on him, Alex,” I said.

 

“Are you sure you want to do that?” she asked. 

 

“If I’m gonna spend $10,000 on one, you better be able to do anything on him!”

 

I have to say, he really wasn’t a huge fan of being ridden bareback at first.  Coming off a ranch in Idaho, I am assuming no one had ever really ridden him bareback before.  But he took to it fine and I drunk rode him all over the fairgrounds that night.  If one is going to be in my string, he better be bar broke!

 

The next day, we loaded him up and took him roping.  He worked outstanding and I couldn’t be happier with my purchase.  Shortly after I got him home, the weather turned bad.  It rained and rained and rained.  I didn’t ride him for several months.  The day I finally got back on him, he acted like he had never been laid off. But, despite the fact that he was a nice horse, he was not a finished head horse.  I still had quite a bit of work to do before I could consider him finished.

 

That summer, I met Jordan.  Within a few months he was living with me and we were running a horse training business from home.  I was roping at least 30 head a day on Ricky.  He worked so awesome all the time.  He always put me in a good spot, he could pull like a freight train, he stood in the box like a wooden indian…there was absolutely nothing wrong with him.  I knew that it was only a matter of time before I started hauling him and winning big. 

 

One rainy spring morning in 2012, less than a year and half after I bought him, I got a call from my neighbor.  It was only about 630 in the morning and I hadn’t yet been out to feed.  He immediately told me that he had been out with his sheep and he saw that I had a horse down in the mud.  He thought that he might be dead.  My heart sank.  I knew it was Ricky.  Why would it be any of the other horses?  He was the only that mattered!  Of course, he would be the one to be sick or dead.  When I went out to his pen, he was standing.  He was covered in mud from head to toe and shaking.  His eyes were dull and I could see that he was in excruciating pain.  The big, beautiful horse that I had roped on, that I had groomed on, that I had fed the night before stood in front of me unrecognizable. 

 

Quickly, I ran into the house to wake up Jordan.  “Ricky is sick,” I told him.  “Please get up and call the vet.  He is colicing and I’m pretty sure he’s not going to make it.  He can’t even stand up.” I was borderline hysterical.  Here was this horse that I had spent a small fortune on because I just knew that we had a long future together.  I spent countless hours working on him, grooming him, keeping him looking gorgeous.  And now, I was going to lose him.  I went back outside.  I was wearing only mud boots, shorts that I had slept in, and a sweatshirt.  When I got back out to his pen, he was laying down in the mud. I haltered him and tried to pull him up.  After pulling and pulling, I finally got him to stand up and walk.  Every step was torture for him.  He would start to shake and his legs would buckle.  Every time he would fall down, I would scream and cry.  I was horrified that this was happening and there was nothing that I could do to make it better. 

 

By the time the vet came, things were looking bad.  I was soaked from head to toe, shaking and cold.  Ricky wouldn’t walk more than a few steps without trying to lie back down.  After palpating him, the vet asked me if he was a candidate for surgery.  Without thinking twice, I said, yes…he absolutely was.  He told me I needed to hook up my truck and trailer immediately and get him down to UC Davis.  It was about a 2 hour drive and we needed to get there ASAP.  We hooked up and the vet gave him some drugs to try to take away some of his pain. And we were on our way.  We didn’t even make it fifteen minutes before he started lying down and thrashing in the trailer.  It was a hard trip.  I cried the entire time. 

 

When we got to the university, they unloaded him and it was only minutes before they decided that he would need surgery immediately to see what the problem was.  They opened him up and inside they had found a large mass on his small intestine.  I was told that the surgery to remove it plus the recuperation process would cost me about $17,000.  I considered taking out a mortgage on my house to save him, but after talking with one of the vets, I was told that he would most likely never be anything more than a pasture maggot.  There was a good chance the mass would return.  He most likely would never be a head horse.  I couldn’t take the chance of losing my home to try to save his life.  I was devastated.  I had spent all this money on a horse that was supposed to be my next good one.  He was the one that was going to take me to the pay window time and time again.  I had spent countless hours doing drills on him, exercising him, grooming him, practicing on him and had never even gotten to haul him to a jackpot.  I never got him insured because I thought he was a tough horse off of a ranch in Idaho…what could possibly happen to him? 

 

I wanted to quit.  I really didn’t want to rope anymore.  I had lost my best good buddy in one of the most traumatizing ways imaginable.  For as long as I live, I will never forget that horse or that day.  I never imagined a horse as big and strong as him could wither away in a matter of hours like he did. 

 

I’ve dealt with a lot of loss in life.  There is no doubt that it really makes you want to give up.  First losing my dad and then losing my good horse…it really took a toll on me.  My boyfriend and I really started having problems.  One of the biggest things we had in common was that we both loved to rope.  We no longer had that and no matter how hard he tried to find me another horse, none were ever good enough.  None were my Ricky.  To this day, I know that I will never have another “Ricky”.  He was truly one of a kind.  But God brings both people and animals into our lives for a reason.  Because of that horse, I learned that I am very skilled at finishing one out.  I can take a horse that is broke to ride, but hasn’t been roped on and turn him into a finished head horse.  I learned that sometimes all the money in the world can’t save one and that you have to do the right thing and say goodbye.    I wanted to die that day right along with him.  Watching him take his last breath was devastating.  Someone once told me I was lucky…there are millions of people out there who have no idea what it’s like to ride a good one.  I have had several good ones and for that I am thankful.

 

After reflecting on Ricky, and now being aboard Solo, I know I have another good one.  He may not be big and gorgeous like Ricky was, but he has more heart and soul than any little horse I’ve ever been on.  Part of me feels like whenever I ride him, I experience a closeness to my dad who is no longer with me.  He has been a blessing in disguise and despite my many attempts to sell him, I am so glad that I never did. 

 

When you get knocked down in life, you have to get up.  You can’t give up.  You also have to learn from your mistakes!  I owned Ricky for a year and a half.  He was one of the nicest head horses that I have ever ridden.  Yet, I never hauled him.  I never entered one single jackpot on him.  I kept thinking, “We need to work on this…or we need to work on that before we are perfect!”  Perfection DOES NOT EXIST!  If you are waiting for perfection, you are setting yourself up to fail!  Give your horse and yourself the benefit of the doubt.  Solo isn’t perfect, but he can start going to jackpots.  He is never going to get better if I just keep taking him to the same practices and never put any pressure on him or myself!  I talk about this just like it’s just for horse training purposes, but you can apply this to all aspects of your life!  Stop waiting for things to be perfect…they never will be!  By constantly seeking perfection, you are only hurting yourself.  Enjoy the flaws, as they are the true definition of perfection.

Note: I apologize for no pictures on this blog.  I intended on including several but for some reason my computer would not upload them.  I decided to let it sit for a day and come back to it, but still no luck.  Hopefully my next post will be slightly more colorful!!

Humbling Thoughts and a Positive Attitude

Jerking one down

I haven’t posted in about a week.  To my loyal readers: I am so sorry.  It has been a very hectic few days!  I finally got to put my horse on cattle and once I got going the opportunities to go roping kept on coming!  The first night went outstanding.  I am really blessed to have this little horse with such an enormous heart in my life.  I backed in the box to rope off my horse for the second time…ever.  He stood there like a champ.  I nodded my head and he ran right to the hip.  I jerked a knot clean around the horns and we went left.  Solo is only about 14.1 hands and maybe weighs 1100 pounds.  Although he is really built for heeling, he handles cattle just like a big horse.  I have never ridden a horse with more try than he has!  We roped about 20 head that night. He never once got hot in the box and I only missed 3 steers all night.  When I pulled away from the arena, I could not stop smiling.  I can’t even put into words how full of joy my heart was.  I wanted to call every person I knew and tell them how amazing my horse worked, how well I roped, and how extremely happy I was to be back in the saddle, back in the arena, and back to doing what I love more than anything!

 

The next day was Thursday.  I was scheduled to have a job interview up in Fort Worth, so my cousin told me to haul up to their house in Weatherford to rope after I got done.  Talk about a busy day! I was up before the sun preparing for a job interview that, quite frankly, could change my life forever!  I hooked up my trailer, loaded up my horse, and away we went.  It’s so amazing to me how with a little positivity and faith in your life things can completely change.  A month ago, I was at a job that was wearing me down both physically and emotionally.  The only friends that I had were my roommates.  I had been on my horse less than 20 times in a year and had only roped one time.  All of a sudden, I get this feeling…perhaps it was God talking or maybe it was my dad urging me forward from heaven…I don’t know for sure.  But I get this feeling to quit my job and let the chips just fall where they may.  I keep telling myself, “Just have faith.  God will take care of you!”  I head up to this interview.  I stopped at my cousin’s house to drop of my horse and unhook my trailer and then head into Fort Worth.  I’m not going to lie, I was a ball of nerves, but in my heart, I knew I had this.  This job was meant for me.  It is the job I have been praying for and waiting for.  I went into that interview positive and confident and came out feeling accomplished! 

 

I wish I could say that my roping that night went as well as my interview!   I started out strong.  I ran out there and roped tough like I know that I can the first couple of times we ran the steers through.  But the steers were a little faster at my cousin’s house than the steers I had roped the night before.   Solo started to get a little hot in the box and my own performance slowly started going down the toilet.  I made a couple more good runs, scored a few, and then climbed on my cousin’s good horse.  Now, typically, I would jump out there and hammer steers on a good horse.  But this wasn’t just any good horse. He was a high caliber, PRCA type head horse.  Let’s just say, he’s a LOT of high powered horse!  I couldn’t hardly catch a thing.  I was dropping my arm, waving it off…just completely missing!  I am one of those people who has to give myself pep talks when things start going wrong.  I try to tell myself, “Stay positive!  A bad day roping is better than a good day without a rope in your hand.”  Well, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.  I drove home that night thinking to myself that I really need to keep practicing.  I have to be roping my dummy every day.  I need to be riding my horse every day.  When I’m not in the arena, I need to be thinking about being in the arena.  This is a sport that takes complete dedication. 

 

Saturday rolled around.  I got invited to come out and turn some steers to help a guy sell a heel horse.  That made me feel pretty good.  I roped so well on Wednesday night that they trusted me to come turn steers for them to make a heel horse look good.  I managed to get it done, and even go invited to go jackpotting with them this week…and then it all fell apart.  My horse got a little hot in the box.  He completely stopped rating.  We were running by cattle right and left.  I was waving it off and missing every steer.  I was pissed off, cussing like a trucker, and really re-evaluating my training techniques.  I still need to do A LOT of work on both myself and my horse.  There is nothing worse than roping like shit and having your horse not work good when you KNOW that you BOTH can do so much BETTER!  It’s a wicked web we weave.  We get to feeling very confident and then we get snapped back to reality.

 

It’s like that with so many things in life.  We get overly confident and then God gives us what we need to stay humble.  I’ll never forget when I first bought my little mare and got back into roping right after my dad passed away.  I went roping constantly.  And despite the needs of my horse, I entered up in every single roping.  She was a bad ass and had a ton of heart for a smaller framed horse.  She never quit me.  It was the same trip every time on her and I won a lot on her.  But, selfishness got the better of me and I ruined her.  She couldn’t handle the strain I had put on her and she slowly started breaking down.  Pretty soon she had arthritis so bad that I was spending more money and time keeping her sound than I was roping.  Next thing I knew, she couldn’t run to faster cattle and I could win anymore.  It was a hard lesson learned.  You have to listen to not just the needs of yourself, but also the needs of others…that includes your horse!   

 

I have been praying every day for the opportunity to get behind cattle so that I can see what I really need to be working on with my horse.  He is far more advanced than any other horse I have ever ridden for only being roped on out of the box 4 times.  But, it is obvious that I need to get him on the sled and teach him how to rate.  He will run up to cattle good but he hasn’t figured out how to rate off and stay at the hip.  He also has gotten into the bad habit of getting to the fence and trying to face.  I have some drills that I can do on both live cattle and the sled that will help with that issue.  As for myself, I really need to work on staying positive with my roping.  I know that I rope well.  I just have to remember that EVERYONE has bad days.  I haven’t roped this many cattle in almost 2 years…I can’t forget that and I can’t expect to go out there and hammer every steer like I used to.  Everything you do in life takes work.  If you want to be good, you have to work at it constantly.  I’m not going to let a couple of bad days in the roping pen get me down. 

 

 

 

Me with my RRAGI Invitation

I have a tendency to reflect on my life a lot these days.  I am so thankful to the people that I have supporting me.  I have had people come into my life recently who have influenced me to trust in the Lord.  I have people in my life who constantly build me up when I want to tear myself down.  No one in this world is harder on me than myself.  But thanks to these people, I am able to kill those terrible thoughts and feelings and continue down the path of success.  One year ago, I left everything that I knew and came out here to start a new life.  One month ago, I was down and depressed with very few friends and an uncontrollable emptiness inside of me because I was unable to do what I love.  When you have a positive attitude and a little bit of faith, the Lord will provide the rest.  I went from only riding my horse a handful of times in a year, to riding him nearly every day.  I went from having few friends, to being surrounded by like-minded people who appreciate me for who I am.  To those people, you know who you are, thank you so much!  I love you all!  Today, as I end this blog, I leave with the thought in my head that I will work on having a positive attitude.  I will listen to the needs of my horse and proceed with my training accordingly.  I have to be thankful that we have come this far in such a short amount of time and be humble to the fact that everything we do in life takes work and dedication.  I have learned a lot of life lessons and until I’m called home, they are going to keep on coming.  I am still so excited for my future and I have no doubts that by the time the Reno Rodeo All-Girl rolls around, I will be completely ready.  Hebrews 11:1 says, “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”  I have faith that I will be successful as long as I keep positive and I am certain that no matter what, the Lord will be there to lift me up when the going gets tough!