Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Love, Loss, and Prayers for a Stranger



It’s still pretty crappy weather out, but since we all could use the rain, I’m not going to waste any breath complaining about it.  It’s a blessing, not a curse.  I may have to remind myself of that, but it’s true.  I was having trouble figuring out what I was going to write about today since it’s been too cold and rainy to train and then all of a sudden I received some bad news from a close friend.  Her father, who has undergone multiple heart surgeries already, is still failing to get better.  Every surgery they have tried, has failed.  They are now attempting to put him on a medication to hopefully reverse whatever damage is already done.  He could use prayers more than ever and so could she.  I’m sad for her and scared for her.  I know all too well what it feels like to be helpless and scared for a parent.  As I’ve mentioned before, I have experienced a lot of loss in my life.  Sometimes, it is not the words of a friend that are comforting, but the words of a stranger that put you at ease…and that reminded me of a story. 

I’ll never forget that spring after my dad passed away.  I was having a really tough time getting into the swing of things.  I had taken over our ranch and I was currently running 350 head of commercial cows for a guy on my winter lease.  It was rough country.  Very brushy, rocky, and extremely steep.  Dang sure cowboy shit.  I had been taking the 4 wheeler out daily and checking pastures, fixing fence, and keeping track of bulls.  I typically used the 4 wheeler because you could quickly wear out a horse before getting anything accomplished on that ranch. One day, I decided to go out horseback and I told my then-boyfriend to go catch my good sorrel horse for him to ride.  He came walking back to the tack room with just a halter and no horse so I asked him what was up.  He told me that my horse couldn’t walk.

“What do you mean he can’t walk?”  I asked him.

“Well, I caught him and went to lead him and he wouldn’t put his front foot on the ground.”

Knowing that my ex didn’t know a whole lot about horses, I decided to investigate the situation myself.  I hiked over to the barn to find that he was right.  Smokey’s right front leg was swollen and he wouldn’t put any weight on it at all.  Smokey was the only good horse that I had at the time.  I had started heading on him the previous summer and he was really coming along good.  He had all the looks and makings of a great one.  To lose him would be devastating.  Frustrated and completely bummed, I called my vet.  She came out that afternoon and did a mobile ultrasound, not finding much.  We gave him some meds and wrapped the leg.  She told me to give it a week and then we would check it again.  She sounded hopeful, so I figured it was probably a gravel or something and didn’t worry too much about it.  So much for getting anything done horseback that day! 
 
A week crept by.  I doctored Smokey daily and he looked like he was getting around better every day although he was still limping pretty badly.  Julie, my vet, met me at the office early one morning and we did another ultrasound and an x-ray on Smokey’s leg.  We waited and waited and finally they were ready to review the results.  Smokey had one teeny tiny little break on his Sesamoid bone located on his fetlock.  The break went three ways and looked similar to a Mercedes Benz emblem.  I was told that there wasn’t much that we could do besides cast it for a month and see if it healed on its own.  Still hopeful, I tried not worry. 

I was sitting in Starbucks a month later when I got the call from Julie.  She had cut off his cast and given him a fresh x-ray.  Unfortunately, nothing had changed.  My heart sank.  I was out of options.  Surgery to fix it was extremely expensive and the odds of him being to walk on all four legs again were very slim.  Horses aren’t like people.  When they break bones in their legs they are typically in severe pain for the rest of their lives.  It’s a little different supporting 1200 pounds than it is supporting 180 pounds.  When a horse breaks a leg, sometimes the most humane thing you can do for them is put them down.  Julie gave me my options and I made the extremely difficult decision to put him down humanely. 

I left all my things sitting in Starbucks and walked outside.  I felt myself going into an anxiety attack and I needed some air really quickly.  I just couldn’t hold back the tears and the last thing I wanted to do was cause a scene in the middle of the coffee shop.  I had my mom on the phone and was bawling my eyes out.  I wasn’t sure just how much more of this heartache I could take.  First my dad, then my only good horse…it was one thing after another.  As I was sitting there, practically hiding in the corner of the building, I noticed a man walk by holding a baby.  He glanced over at me and gave me a quick nod. Trying to not let him see my massive amounts of tears, I threw up a half assed wave.  He went out to his vehicle and put his daughter in the car.  Next thing I knew, he was walking back towards me.  I silently swore multiple times…I really wasn’t in the mood to talk.  As he got closer, I realized that he was holding something in his hand.  He approached me with a sympathetic smile on his face and handed me a package of tissues.

“I don’t know what struggles you are going through,” he said.  “But I just want to tell you that whatever you are going through, it will get better.  You are too beautiful of a girl to be out here crying all alone.  I don’t know who you are or what’s going on, but I will be praying for you.”  And then he touched my arm softly, turned, and walked away.  I was touched and I immediately felt relieved.  I felt the warmth of the Lord wash over me with the sunlight.  How awesome it was to have a perfect stranger take the time to come up and offer me prayers when I felt completely hopeless and lost!  God truly does work in mysterious ways. 

I’ll never forget that day.  Thanks to that man, I have caught myself multiple times reaching out and offering prayers to a stranger who may need them.  Although my friend isn’t a stranger and the loss of my horse nowhere compares to what she must be going through, this story was the one that came to me.  I think a lot of times, we hold back from praying for a stranger.  We don’t know him or her…we don’t know what he or she might be going through…maybe he or she isn’t a good person…maybe he or she doesn’t believe in God and doesn’t want my prayers.  Does any of that really matter?  Not to God, it doesn’t!  So I challenge you to be compassionate to that of a stranger.  If you recognize someone struggling, send up a quick little prayer for his or her release from whatever ties are binding them to stress or unhappiness.  It doesn’t take but a second and trust me when I say, you will walk away feeling just a little more joy in your soul.

I’ve always had a tough time understanding why bad things happen to good people.  They say that God never gives you anything that you can’t handle.  The strongest people get challenged the hardest.  My friend is one of the most positive, uplifting individuals that I know. No matter what you are going through, she is there for you with a smile and a prayer.  Yet she has been through so much in life and keeps facing struggles and challenges.  I know, without a doubt, that she will get through it. She always does.  And every time, she comes out just a little bit stronger.  Henry Longfellow said it beautifully, “For after all, the best thing one can do when it is raining is let it rain.”

We all face hardships without a doubt.  A lot of times, we let those struggles hinder us.  Why not take those struggles and let them make us stronger.  After all, we are all survivors in one way or another!  Let that pain and anger drive you to be more successful at whatever it is you want to be successful at! I like to use everything that I’ve been through not as a crutch, but instead as tool to keep pushing me onward.  I’ve been through the hard stuff…I’ll go through more hard stuff.  We all do and always will.  That is life.  But you hold on to your faith and you keep pushing forward because at the end of the day, we only have one life to live.  You either spend it happy, or waste it being sad.  Trust me when I say that praying for others is a great way to turn your own sadness into happiness. 

Today I ask for prayers for my friend’s dad.  I also ask again that you continue to pray for rain out west.  The drought is horrendous and our food supply is at great risk.  If you see someone or know someone who needs a prayer, throw one up real quick. It doesn’t have to be anything long and drawn out…just has to be quick and to the point.  Just be sincere.  God is listening.    
 
As I close this blog today, the sun is shining.  If you can’t find me, it’s because I am horseback somewhere!  Thanks for reading and praying and supporting!  You are all my driving force to keep motivated! 


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